To Be Irrevocably In Love With A Vampire Is Both Fantasy And Nightmare Woven Into A Dangerously Heightened Reality For Bella Swan Pulled In One Direction By Her Intense Passion For Edward Cullen, And In Another By Her Profound Connection To Werewolf Jacob Black, She Has Endured A Tumultuous Year Of Temptation, Loss, And Strife To Reach The Ultimate Turning Point Her Imminent Choice To Either Join The Dark But Seductive World Of Immortals Or To Pursue A Fully Human Life Has Become The Thread From Which The Fates Of Two Tribes HangsNow That Bella Has Made Her Decision, A Startling Chain Of Unprecedented Events Is About To Unfold With Potentially Devastating And Unfathomable, Consequences Just When The Frayed Strands Of Bella S Life First Discovered In Twilight, Then Scattered And Torn In New Moon And Eclipse Seem Ready To Heal And Knit Together, Could They Be Destroyed Forever pardon any grammatical spelling errors, I m not reading this over again I didn t get much sleep obviously If I could give this book a lower score, I absolutely would When you create a book series, there tends to be an issue with the next book that comes out in the series having to be better than the last Of course that is always a possibility for stories such as Harry Potter, where the plot is laced through all of the books and leads to an ultimate climax and resolution in the final book Stephenie Meyer did not follow this example in any way, shape, or form.Instead of possibly creating an internal plot that would follow the entire series, every book haswell, I cannot justify a plot in any of the books, save the first one that was in the last 100 pages of the book , so I ll try to skim sweetly over this For her last attempt, strike 4 on my count, Meyer rides this train till there are no tracks taking the train, and all of it s passengers on a bumpy, uncomfortable, and unforgivable journey no one had prepared for.Bella s half breed child shouldn t even exist, given Meyer s specific VAMPIRES CANNOT HAVE CHILDREN , so of course she gives a pathetic, if not confusing, explanation to how Edward gets Bella pregnant The child s name itself is atrocious I honestly hope no one loves this series enough to name their own child that, out of their love for Stephenie Meyer Let s remember what I said before there is not a sustaining plot throughout these books, besides the fact that Bella wants to become a vampire but even that is stretching it So when Bella becomes pregnant, it s almost as if Meyer suddenly thought, PLOT and took off at the speed of light in a direction that flabbergasted me Has she even mentioned children in this entire book series Besides the fact that little mutant Nessie takes the entire stage, Bella s giving birth to a mutant that should not exist X Men anyone seems to be the only thing that drives this story forward Because otherwise, the story would have ended Bella got married, Bella somehow someway got pregnant, Bella had a half breed baby, Bella becomes a vampire, Jacob creepily imprints on said baby, and everyone lives freakishly happily ever after I shouldn t have to describe how horrific it is that the entire 800 pages of the final novel is about a baby Bella seemed to move to Forks and somehow grow up in a year, getting married and having a baby, and living for forever with her ridiculously good looking husband I understand that Bella made the choice for herself, doesn t mean I have to think it was a good one Or a good example for young girls to follow I m not going to step up on the soap box and preach about how many horrible morals this gives to girl s of today s generation after feminism has fought to get us this far because if they haven t read a cheap romance novel yet, they certainly will Guys looking to date girls of that generation should beware however If you don t sparkle in the sun, devote every step you take and every move you make to her, and like to watch her sleep, you might not have much of a chance.But, back to the story, cough, I mean lack thereof The Volturi coming in deemed itself, once again, random and overreaching for Meyer As if she just wanted them to show up and have an epic battle, but it wasn t really epic and it didn t serve much of a point However, if I was a 1000 year old vampire, I m sure I d be bored enough to care about someone as trivial as Bella Swan too.1 3 of the novel is in Jacob s perspective, and to be honest, that was the one part I enjoyed somewhat Only because I think Jacob was Meyer s best character He shall forever be known as the character with a personality However, as Meyer had introduced me to Jacob, and gave me reason to like him, she also had the power to do the opposite Thank you, Stephenie Meyer for ruining one of the only realistic characters you created two thumbs way down Not only did Jacob CREEP me out, he was so completely overbearing and whiny, I couldn t wait to get back to Bella, the whining queen His imprinting on little Nessie just put the icing on the shit cake I had been eating for the past 400 pages I had assumed we went passed the pedophilia part with Quil, and come on, he imprinted on EDWARD AND BELLA S BABY Why couldn t he have imprinted on a 35 year old alcoholic with an abusive husband and Meyer could give someone who needs saving a fighting chance by someone with super powers By this point, I was going to take an example from New Moon and jump off a cliff just to save myself from the rest of the book.But I didn t, and I should have The rest of the book was almost as boring and laughable as the first half, but at least the first half had gasp fade to black sensual scenes.As many people have been saying, this book is exactly like 1,000 stories on FanFiction.net and if I can give you any advice, find a story on there and it might be a lot better than reading this.And it would probably be 700 pages less. Oh the memories The angsty teen memories They re all flooding back.It should come as no surprise that I have a dark and dangerous past I was a Twihard I loved this series with every beat of my teenage heart I had a poster, I had a vegetarian vampire shirt, I had a themed birthday party, and worst of all I did this to a book I can t even open it any for fear of the pages falling out and the spine splinteringyet I can t bear to throw it away.And now ten years later , I m revisiting the series to see how my opinion s changed over the last decade For the most part, I still am pleasantly pleased by how much I enjoyed rereading I very nearly memorized the series as a teen so during the reread, it was nice to see the scenes with fresh eyes after all this time It was like visiting an old friend However, this time around there were several moments aspects that stood out so much clearer to adult me Jacob went from a lovable sidekick to a mopey and whiny teen in my eyes It wasn t unbearable, but it was so much noticeable this roundWhat do I look like The Wizard of Oz You need a brain You need a heart Go ahead, take mine Take everything I have15 year old me thought this was perfectly reasonable and undoubtedly romantic 25 year old me couldn t stop noticing how he kept trying to force himself on Bella in Eclipse and then did the whole woe is me when Bella kept trying to tell him to stop even when she was married That werewolf needed a firm kick in the teeth AND for the first time I noticed how conveniently and absolutely perfect everything worked out for Bella The sheer amount of coincidences drove me a bit bonkers And then we continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of our forever. 15 year old me was so relieved that the tension uncertainty was resolved We could finally get those super cute moments with the Cullen Family 25 year old me kept waiting for something to happen I mean, the first 2 3 of the book consists of Bella getting married and being pregnant Lots and Lots of filler fluff She s the calmest newborn in centuries, she makes leaps and bounds with her gift and has a super adorable precocious child It s verging on Mary Sue territory Stop being so optimistic It s getting on my nerves. Most notably, the series end wasn t as all consuming and life altering as I remembered it being I still enjoyed the series but it just doesn t hold to my memory I guess that s a product of growing up I m a bit disappointed about that Ah well It s still a four star er in my book here s to nostalgia and memories Audiobook CommentsFor such a popular book, you d think the audio would be a bit better The female voice done by Ilyana Kadushin for Bella s parts didn t have enough variation in tone especially when she did male characters Nearly every adult male had the same voice and the accents of the new visiting vampires wasn t distinct enough The guy voice done by Matt Walters was a bit better for the distinction but sounded wooden throughout the bookThe 2018 Popsugar Reading Challenge A book with the time of day in the titleBlog Instagram Twitter I was so disenchanted with Eclipse I wasn t excited for this read, but I had to know how it ends I held off judgment in hopes that the conclusion would redeem the series The verdict Hard to swallow soap opera A car crash you can t stop staring at in hopes that something salvageable comes out of the wreckage But nothing does So bad I started taking notes on all the plot holes because I couldn t keep track What happened to the story that captured the hearts of girls everywhere You can t fall in love with your characters so much you save them from the dilemma you created the impossibilities of vampire and human love, the instinctual need to destroy between vampires and werewolves, the girl who has to choose between two boys in opposing worlds, the boy who gets left out, the girl who has to make massive sacrifices for her choice You can t save them from the plot by taking it all back and saying never mind the rules I created, you can all have it all without giving anything up for it When you do that, you take an exciting premise, take all the fire and excitement out, and ruin the story As an author, you have a responsibility to your story, your characters, your fans, even yourself as a creator, to let the story be I recommend you write your own ending Or better yet since I m not really a fan of fan fiction , take your book back and get your money back If everyone does, maybe Meyer will pretend it was a big joke and rewrite a plausible ending to the saga Maybe this time her editor and copy editor will actually read it By the double digit errors I found not even looking I doubt he she did What I expected from this story 1 The big dilemma In Eclipse Meyer finally showed the downfall of vampire life Bella has to give up her family, the potential of her own family, her friendship with Jacob, and the ease of human life out in the open Most importantly she takes on the internal moral struggle of an instinct to kill, of being a monster This is serious sacrifice and I wanted to see some soul searching, some grieving, some preparation for death from Bella 2 Vampire sex Vampire trying not to kill human sex Newborn vampire with unquenchable passion sex No harlequin romance graphic, but like Twilight explored kissing, exploring how they could possibly do that.3 One scary newborn vampire Murderous screaming during the transition after a bite from Edward to save her from death The rage, the passion, the strength, and most importantly the thirst, the unquenchable thirst, that overpowers all that is human I wanted to see Bella going after a human, preferably someone she knows, and have to be restrained I wanted to see the true monster that is vampire take shape before learning to control the beast.4 A good showdown Eclipse robbed us of the vampire battle I didn t care if it was the Volturi coming after Bella or the werewolves after Edward I just wanted a good fight from all the buildup to one and I wanted people to die because a battle without death isn t realistic , maybe even Jacob sacrificing for Bella Isn t killing the vein of their existence I expected some death.But alas that is not the story I think I may have to start denying I ve ever read the Twilight saga I was going to buy the boxed set if for nothing else for a pretty addition to my bookshelf, but now I m truly embarrassed to have read the series The rest of my review has spoilers view spoiler I m calling wolf This is not Jacob s story This is Bella and Edward s story and Jacob is a distraction I m sorry that you like him too much to hurt him, but that doesn t mean you have to ruin the story for him, much less give him half the book Making Bella still love him hurts them all, makes her self centered, and Edward seem an indulgent parent with a whiny brat he can t say no to It diminishes their love to volley back and forth Everyone I love together I don t buy it Bella said goodbye to Jacob in Eclipse leave it at that Sacrifice for Edward That s love Bella s treatment of Edward and Jacob is only as infuriating as his indulgence of it His idea for resolution of her nudger gag is ghastly For a second I thought Meyer was going to go down that road and I was sickened How in anyone s mind is offering your wife up to another man shows undying love is beyond me It is sick and wrong And how is insemination gross or worse that pimping her out How can Bella never consider Edward s worry for her She knows how she d feel if he died Bella seemed like Wanda in The Host trying to portray her as too kind which is just blindly selfish She should have written The Host after and not confused the stories or writing style The characters have wandered so far from their original shells that I couldn t branch this story to the magic of Twilight Where were Edward and Bella And the rest of the Cullens The way Meyer transfers Jacob from one obsession to another while not extreme to be pedophile is still creepy, much worse considering Jacob s comment about seeing Bella naked or that Bella s eyes caused the imprint This is not a southern joke where your father is your uncle and your grandpa too It doesn t excuse Bella s unhealthy possession of him and it doesn t smooth over the hatred with Edward My brother, my son Gag His intrusion in the happy family of three was beyond grating He doesn t get a say in how that child is raised And is Renesmee seriously supposed to grow up and love a guy who raised her That s disturbing Why couldn t Jacob and Leah be happy together instead of Meyer making all of her relationships the older man with a young girl The story was going that way, but Meyer had reserved this sick end for Jacob she found romantic so she forced it onto the story Werewolf imprint on vampire hybrid That makes no sense, especially after Leah s discussion about imprinting on the best mate to keep the race alive As much as I didn t like the extent Jacob was in the book, the other vampires were disappointing All the old albeit shallow side characters were replaced with a freak show I thought this was a book about vampires not superheros The abundant rare gifts got ridiculous from one to the next at least the original gifts connected to human traits And the flaws Alice s ineptitude at her visions was not consistent Bella Willpower Bella s holes didn t make sense How could Jasper affect her if she s that strong Why couldn t Edward hear her inside her bubble Everything about all these extra vampires was just wrong Hundreds of vampires on a feeding frenzy without the Volturi reducing numbers didn t make sense She should have stuck to developing the Cullens And Bella The second half was so out of character I couldn t take that disjointed leap with her.I was so disappointed with the lengthy Volturi scene, the only thing with any hope of excitement that only built and tiringly built and then fizzled These were the only vampires sold as creepy monsters and while their mafia type support didn t make sense, I still expected them to act out the role They didn t deliver The story was so far gone by that point, I half expected the spawn of Satan and by that I mean Renesmee to destroy the Volturi alone It seemed The Incredibles than Bella and Edward at that point so why not a Jack Jack ending It didn t resolve anything and only put them in graver danger but she still shoved a happily ever after down our throats.Vampires dead humans with extra chromosomes don t have blood they don t drink, pee, sweat, or have liquid in their bodies Beyond the complications of sex for those reasons which I wouldn t have questioned if that s as far as it went or the likelihood of Rosemary s baby, don t turn the monster into an angel werewolf than vampire It s a confusing stretch You know in soap operas where babies get in the way of the storyline so they magically grow up so the parents don t have to deal with childhood Sacrifice is what gives you undying love for children they are not convenient plot ideas Nothing about that child made sense and I thought Nessie, considering its monster ties, was a vast improvement on a ridiculous name And Edward Jacob for a boy is not sweet It s obscenely selfish The point at which I started hating this book was when Bella didn t even act like a vampire Not being a newborn vampire is not a gift, particularly for a vampire who needs a myriad of other gifts to save the story It s an excuse to not have your characters suffer But instead of making characters stronger, it weakens them It robs them It robs us of a good story You can t soften that blow Hiding the pain of the bite from Edward robbed him of a chance for compassion something dependent Bella would not do Turning to the person you love most in your worst hour is love, is what strengthens relationships And how is Bella s human uterus so strong that only a vampire could cut through it with his teeth That was about the biggest joke in the book Being a soulless newborn vampire isn t all Meyer cracked it up to be If it were, they never would have let a strong newborn go hunting with only one guardian Since Bella was so easily distracted from a thirst that didn t seem all that powerful, there should have been some good loving in that forest Having the thirst that drives the series not phase her, diminishes its power and intrigue for all vampires, all the way back to Twilight Being a vampire isn t torture it s fun I want to be a superhero vampire Sacrifice is what Bella knew she was undertaking when she picked Edward But she gave up nothing Everything is twisted for the sake of convenience children, newborn desire, imprinting, human family, death, special gifts, a cast of new vampires, everything Would a cop who detaches his daughter s battery so she doesn t sneak out plead don t ask, don t tell with the scary supernatural threatening his community and daughter The only reason this bogus aspect is even in the story is because Meyer couldn t bare for Bella to lose anything But if Edward, Bella, and Jacob are unrecognizable characters, why not Charlie And if Charlie gets pulled into the story why not her mother I m sure Meyer could have come with an implausible excuse for her too.Meyer tried to add plot twists, but couldn t commit to their consequences With all the conflict removed for Bella, there is no drama so Meyer tries to create it with ill placed childish mood swings There are no monsters in the book Vampires are sparkly happy supermodels Werewolves are snuggly tame pets Even the werewolf vampire antagonism seems to have dissipated The head butting between Rosalie and Jacob seems personality conflict than the innate drive to destroy each other They all want to sit around the campfire and sing Couldn t at least some Volturi sinister be burning in that fire hide spoiler Where do I begin I LOVED this book It was even better than I even imagined So many surprises I picked mine up at midnight when it was released and could hardly put it down So first offthe wedding was beautiful The honeymoon was even better Stephenie Meyer did an amazing job of writing a tasteful honeymoon scene It wasn t dirty at all It was beautiful You knew they were able to have sex and that there was a definate strong intensity during these moments but she didn t go into too many explicit details which leaves much to the imaginationI loved the quote by Bella, Why am I covered in feathersIt was PG 13 Plus they were married when it happened so that made it even better I have to admit I was a little shocked she wrote the sex parts I didn t think she would go there but I am so glad she did because it just made the bond between Edward and Bella even stronger if that was even possible It was hot and sexy for sure I am so happy Edward and Bella got their proper wedding honeymoon and importantly.that I got to read about it like I was right there Does that make me a pervert Oh who cares It was amazing So what I never dreamed of happening was a pregnancy This is when the story goes from pure happiness to total uncertainty and even sadness for some Bella is adamant that she would keep the baby even though it was killing her, hoping she could keep her heart beating long enough so she could be turned into a vampire to save her I have never felt so horrible for Edward To say he was in agony would be an understatement Chapter 9 was very hard for me to read because Edward was in so much pain Pain isn t even close to describing what he was feeling Not that I doubted before but it was in this chapter that really solidified that Edward would do ANYTHING for Bella no matter how much pain it caused him Pain he feels he deserves I felt awful for him.Chapter 18the birth was by far the most intense chapter of all the books in the series for me I was literally shaking as I read it It was pretty graphic with Bella s bones cracking and breaking, her spine shattering, throwing up all the blood she had been drinking to feed her unborn child She was dying I was on the edge of my seat wondering if they would be able to save the baby and at the same time save her I always hoped Bella would become a vampire but I always had this feeling that Stephenie wouldn t let that happen I am so happy I was wrong One of my favorite parts from the chapter was when Jacob was giving Bella CPR after the baby was bornMove your hands, Jacob, I looked up from Bella s white eyes, still pumping her heart for her Edward had a syringe in his hand all silver, like it was made from steel What s that His stone hand knocked mine out of the way There was a tiny crunch as his blow broke my little finger In the same second, he shoved the needle straight into her heart My venom, he answered as he pushed the plunger down.You could feel that at this moment Edward was very somber He was turning the woman he loved into a vampire Something he had fought against for a long time because he didn t want her to have to give up any human experiences and eventually regret becoming a vampire Now he did it to save her There was no other way I wish I could have been in his head at this time though it would have been very depressing I m sure Jacob too had to give in to letting her become a vampire to save her.So now not only was Bella changed into a vampire, but she was a mother and a wife So many changes so fast This all shocked me but nothing shocked me than when Jacob imprints on Bella Edward s babyRenesmeenot fond of the namebut thank goodness it wasn t an Edward Jacob That name irritated me evenI have to admit though it kinda freaked me out at first I don t blame Bella for wanting to tear him apart Like me I don t think she could have ever imagined this happening This event was so significant It released all the pain Jacob had to endure by being in love with Bella but knowing she would never be his At the same time it tied him to her permanently He still loved her but in the way it should have always been He loved her as a friend and nothing Also with her change into a vampire birth of Renesmee brought a release from the pull she felt to have Jacob as part of her life, though he would still be because of the whole imprinting thing but it would never complicate things between her and Edward s relationship again which I was very grateful for She loved him as a brother like she always wanted Everything was as it should be.So in the end the challenge was the Volturi They were coming to kill all of them because they believed Edward Bella had created a youngling Changed a child into a vampire when really Renesmee was the biological child of Edward and Bella I cried the ugly kind, I was hysterical at a point when Edward and Bella said their quiet goodbyes to their daughter and Jacob when they thought they were about to die It was heart wrenching It was so touching when Edward said to Jacob,Goodbye Jacob, my brother..my sonWhat a wonderful gesture from Edward to Jacob Luckily in the end they were able to conquer because of Bella and her amazing gift to shield everyone she loved from the special gifts of the Volturi I thought it was wonderful to see Bella so powerful and strong That for once she was able to be the protector instead of the one being protected She got to be the savior This too made the unbreakable bond between her and Edward stronger Because of her they were able to beat the Volturi and save their daughter that they loved than anything Their family was intact One of my absolute favorite parts there are so many I have to say was at the end when Bella removes her shield so Edward can read her thoughts Edward was NOT expecting this Not being able to all this time has driven him mad at times Especially when it came to Jacob He always wondered if Bella made the right decision Now he knows without a doubt that she always loved him and that nothing can or ever will change that Edward got to experience all the feelings she had for him as far back as she could remember He can know now without a doubt that they truly belong together What a wonderful gift to give Edward Oh I just LOVE Edward That Bella is one lucky vampire I was so glad this book had the Happily Ever After ending Especially after all the horrible things that have occured in the past Everything came together beautifully I loved it I liked Jacob a lot in this book in fact I laughed out loud several times at him I also liked Bella a lot when she became a vampire She wasn t as selfish and winey I wanted to strangle her at times in the other books because of the way she treated Edward and even Jacob The pain she caused both of them in the past because of her own selfish desires Everything for the characters is balanced or in line how it should be in their relationships I feel closer with the story now which I needed badly These books totally consumed me to say the least This was my favorite of the series by far It was filled with love, suspense, true friendship, loyalty, sorrow, happiness and so much I look forward to reading it again I don t think I will ever be able to find a series again that has affected me like this These books are my favorites above all others Robert Pattinson hates Twilight so much, it s hysterical.Interviewer Millions of Twilight fans, they cannot wait to see this, it s almost heartbreaking because they don t want it to be over It s a little bittersweet, isn t it That look on his face is pure, unadulterated joy.And let s not forget this From the mouth of the guy who plays him.Or these And of course, the rest of the cast Reviewer update Aug 2009 I have demoted the book from 5 to 4 stars My confession explanation is at the end of the original, unedited review.Yes, I gave it 5 stars This is partly because I was so pleased by it compared to the last two books in the series that I overreacted But I also approve of her approach to the book and have rated it so highly in order to counteract those reviewers out there who hated it because they felt Bella was a bad example to young girls THESE TWO PARAGRAPHS SPOIL THINGS THAT HAPPEN EARLY IN THE BOOK I have a bone to pick with these people Read some of the reviews on or GoodReads and you will find a certain type of person who feels that Bella s character fails as a role model for young women today Why Because she, gasp, got married and had a child at a young age.Oh, my, what is the world coming to when young people choose eternal love and devotion Oh that young women could be like the implausibly articulate yet utterly selfish lead in the movie Juno In my favorite example, one reviewer on claimed it wasn t credible that a girl as young as Bella would feel joy at sensing a baby growing inside her I m 28 and if I felt something moving in me, I would freak, she said, I can t believe a 19 year old would be happy about it END OF SPOILAGE Sadness ensues Women and men from every culture in every era of history have found a tremendous and peculiar satisfaction in their children It doesn t matter where you believe this instinct came from, it s real and it manifests millions of times over Should we be so surprised that Stephenie Meyer would be one of the billions who believe this love to be real Read the author s bio and it becomes clear She was married at 21 before she finished college and had three children while still in her 20s But one can hardly call her a failure for choosing family first By all standards she s fabulously successful and wealthy Plus, she has a college degree one of the big beefs some people had with Bella s choice to postpone college Are we really surprised that Stephenie would see the world through rose colored, happiness prone glasses when her own life is exactly that, deliriously happy Social polemics aside for a moment The one thing this book lacked was a satisfying climactic, apocalyptic battle royale between the forces of vampire good and vampire evil I know this book was intended to cap off a romance series, notThe Lord of the Ringsbut there s a reason books of high fantasy all end in cataclysmic bloodshed It takes a conflict of such dramatic proportions to drive the point of a story deep into our minds And the point of this story, if you weren t too focused on your own family planning to notice it, was worthy of such dramatic punctuation The real point of this book is that we can and should choose love That despite our personal weaknesses and faults our immature attempts at love and our petty jealousies we can make important, permanent decisions that will tie us to other people, making their lives and our lives better in the process The battle I propose one I hope sees the light of day in a future novel would seal Bella s decisions and the decisions of her family and loved ones in a way that would render their commitments real Their marital love, their parental love, their familial love, and the love of fellowship with others who share their principles.Some would have to die to preserve the love they have made immortal Others would have to kill to do the same Nothing is final, especially for immortals But they would do so to symbolize the triumph of their love over the petty dynasty of the Volturi and thus establish a global movement of vampires that respect human life and restrain their selfish hungers in deference to the greater good Something that wise humans do every day Such a symbolic battle would take this series to the next level But even without it, this book is the best evidence that Meyer wasn t really writing a sloppy romance saga for misty eyed girls, but was instead telling a story about the eternal power of love and self denial Update from Aug 2009I have had some fabulous comments to my review please read them, most are very intelligent I have been properly chided by many of these reviews for overreacting to the Bella is a bad role model flack and failing to acknowledge the principal flaw of this book Amy said it best below Meyer shortchanged us by not forcing Bella to face any hard choices Bella got everything she wanted, including a strange relationship with Jacob Nobody she loved got hurt which was the problem I did mention above and she never had to disappoint anyone Given that a year has passed, I have some distance on all the whining that went on about Bella not being a protofeminist As a result, I should own up to the fact that this fourth book fails to deliver not only the climax I hoped for, but the real character crisis and development that a saga of this length should strive for Or that we all should strive for in our own lives, to go all metaphysical on you for a moment So I have demoted the book from 5 stars to 4 and begun to ruminate on the topic of why Meyer a woman possessed of such clear imagination was unwilling or unable to make Bella s life hard Here s what I have come up with, for what it s worth 1 Meyer s own life is pretty darn pleasant Let s be honest, she has everything most people think they want All of us who struggle to write books that nobody reads desperately wish for her success a fact that generates than few snippy comments on Goodreads, I might suggest She has a whole community of women around her who adore her and come to all night parties when she debuts a book or movie, just to be near her In the end, she might make Bella after her own image because she doesn t know that life ultimately requires pain 2 Meyer is a Mormon For those not acquainted with the faith, Mormonism is a faith that believes everything will ultimately be okay If not in this life, then in the next In fact, the whole vampire immortality gig is just a metaphor for the Mormon idea of the afterlife You get to be with the ones you love forever, without pain In that way, Bella is a perfect reflection of the ideal Mormon eternity God forgives us for our idiocy, acknowledges our flawed attempts at love by magnifying them and making them eternal Though this is only one side of Mormonism it s also a faith with sorrowful history of persecution Mormons certainly suffer plenty in this life just like everyone else, so this explanation is only true to the extent that Meyer has willingly isolated Mormonism s view of the end state of humanity 3 Twilight is just escapist fantasy This is not only the most obvious but probably the strongest of my three explanations We re so accustomed to watching James Bond run through the street with machine guns trained on him that never hit their mark that we no longer point out that Bond is completely implausible and ultimately unsatisfying as a character But we re not used to reading fiction in which women get everything they want At least, I m not So we get tied up in knots about the lack of deeper meaning and pathos when in reality, Meyer never promised us a garden of sorrow and personal growth So even though I have to demote the book, I still feel like the saga was worth reading both because of the fun I had teasing about its flaws but also because it gives me fodder for worthwhile introspection Oh, and it connected me to some great commenters who I now follow on Goodreads. Page 318 Had her body changed because she was a werewolf Or had she become a werewolf because her body was wrongThe only female werewolf in the history of forever Was that because she wasn t as female as she should be Okay, it s always been obvious that the only things Smeyer finds important in life are marriage and babies, the younger the better, but what the fuck, y all. I am beyond disgusted at this edit this is kind of unclear, mostly because at the time of typing I was too angry to think properly I m disgusted at the statement that women who cannot have children are less than female, with the implication that the only point of being a woman is reproduction Which is bullshit Families are great and all, but they are not the be all end all of my double X s, and sterility does not change one s femininity Blah Yeah, finished well, meh Writing was better, but by the end none of the characters were recognizable except Alice ILU ALICE and Bella became evenof a Mary Sue than she had been before, which I think managed to break part of the universe Death Baby was annoying, Edward and Jacob both came over all woobie, and the ending was the BIGGEST FUCKING COP OUT You mean to tell me you collect sixty vampires and nearly twenty werewolves that aren t in one place, and there isn t so much as a schoolyard rumble Come on.Things I liked uh, Leah Leah and Seth Rock on, Clearwaters Andyeah, that s pretty much it.These books are crack and have always been crack, but this was the bad crack.OH ONE MORE THING, THIS MADE ME REALLY MAD What is it with English majors and fantasy writers trying to justify their fuckery with science That whole mess with chromosomes, and how vampires have 25 and humans have 23 which is why Alice can see their futures but she can t see werewolves futures because they have 24, and the reason she can t see the bb is because it has the average of Bella and Edward what the hell is that Seriously Other than complete and utter pseudo intellectual laziness It d be better if she d just handwaved it honestly, it is a novel about vampires and werewolves it s FINE if you just throw up your hands and blithely say Magic So WHY MUST YOU MAKE THE BIOLOGISTS CRY original review Look, I need vampire crackfic, okay Don t judge.Predictions, for the lulz Jacob dies for max angst or imprints on non Bella because I don t think Meyer has the guts to kill anyone off, honestly Angela, as joked about in previous books, is revealed to be a witch Alice is even awesome and bribes Edward into giving her a Ferrari Bella doesn t go vamp due to angst Edward magically turns human and he and Bella get maaaaaarried and live as happy mundanes for the rest of their days lots of angst and hopefully LOTS of sparkling, because, seriously.Why are we reading these books again SPARKLY GODDAMN VAMPIRES. oh yes, so VERY many spoilers and unladylike language, sorrychokengtitiktitikchokeng1 god help me Here we gochokengtitiktitikchokeng8 yep, Edward is already going overboard protecting Bellachokengtitiktitikchokeng20 Her parents think it s a good idea for her to marry this weirdo at 18 They never think ANYTHING is a good ideachokengtitiktitikchokeng33 Vampire babies creepy in a good waychokengtitiktitikchokeng58 Jacob p.72 I swear Bella never just goes anywhere, you always have to DRAG her like a toddlerchokengtitiktitikchokeng85 I think they just had sex OMG p.86 now of course we have to suffer through pages and pages of Edward being guilty which means basically he is an assholechokengtitiktitikchokeng108 she MAKES him have sex with her again, on their HONEYMOON What a slutchokengtitiktitikchokeng121 oh, please no Don t be pregnantchokengtitiktitikchokeng123 God dammit p.124 The pregnancy is already showing huh p.132 Edward cold and furious for the 1985674th timep.145 Jacob POV p.151 This whole thing with the imprinting on a two year old is just so fucked upchokengtitiktitikchokeng153 However, I d seen Quil play peekaboo for an hour straight without getting bored HAHAHA p.174 Oh, I get it, the vampire baby grows really really fast And also EWchokengtitiktitikchokeng177 Edward racked with guilt for the 7893902057th timechokengtitiktitikchokeng274 GAH It broke her rib I am NEVER getting pregnant Everchokengtitiktitikchokeng327 Haha, she wants to name it either Edward of course or Renesmee Really No, really Oh please let it be a girlchokengtitiktitikchokeng333 I hope we see this red haired chick again I like herchokengtitiktitikchokeng350 OH MY GOD I know I said ew before, but I truly had no idea EW EW EW EW EW p.353 I am still horrified, but HAHAHAHA RENESMEE Awesomechokengtitiktitikchokeng354 Wow, I really didn t think she would actually have Bella become a vampire p.360 THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE WHAT I THINK IT IS, THAT S ALL I HAVE TO SAYchokengtitiktitikchokeng377 So apparently becoming a vampire feels like the worst torture imaginable, ever ever, but she s not going to scream because it might upset Edward.chokengistitikchokeng405 Well, thank god she is able to find a flaw in her looks even though she s a goddesslike beauty now It just wouldn t be Bella if she didn t hate herselfchokengtitiktitikchokeng409 Bella is the most gracefulest, loveliest vampire ever She can even walk in heels now p.420 Really, she is THE MOST AMAZING VAMPIRE THAT HAS EVER EXISTED Everyone is very impressedchokengtitiktitikchokeng449 Oh lord, it WAS what I thought it was Okay, so you are a teenage werewolf, and you form an unbreakable soul bond with the HALF VAMPIRE DAUGHTER of the girl you have been in love with forever, who is ALSO now a vampire, and married to another vampire with disturbing rage issues, and you know you are going to marry this VAMPIRE BABY when she grows up I suppose she doesn t have any choice in this , so how do you feel Fulfilled, apparently.So what is going to happen to Leah now I thought she and Jacob might end up together, but of course that wouldn t be DISTURBING ENOUGH, would it Maybe she and her brother can get married or somethingchokengtitiktitikchokeng463 Waitaminute If Renesmee heh is growing that fast, does that mean Probably she ll be married to Jacob in a couple weekschokengtitiktitikchokeng474 Bella is relieved that even though she s a vampire now, her essential core traits of being a killjoy and a whiner are still intactchokengtitiktitikchokeng485 Hee Edward is a much better musician than the rest of his family, because while he was practicing, and reading about science, and learning languages, they were too busy having sex all the time For real Because vampires never get tired, so they never have to stop Awesome.Apparently they also can only have sex if they re marriedchokengtitiktitikchokeng504 Coldly furiouschokengtitiktitikchokeng532 Coldly furiouschokengtitiktitikchokeng567 This entire series encapsulated in one sentence Wasn t shielding her important than answering her questions p.586 Wouldn t it make sense to explain first, and THEN show them the vampire baby p.602 This whole thing about the different vampire powers is cool p.608 AWESOME There is a fat vampire who is beautiful and the leader of her clan p.611 HAHAHA someone is going to have to provide an index see page 756 p.612 Huh New word ferine adj Untamed feralchokengtitiktitikchokeng704 Coldly furiouschokengtitiktitikchokeng736 Oh good, so Renesmee should be able to get married by age seven and avoid the extra ten years of tedious waiting to be joined with her soulmatechokengtitiktitikchokeng753 No one s ever loved anyone as much as I love you Yeah, yeahchokengtitiktitikchokeng755 THE END Okay, it started out pretty horrifyingly, but I enjoyed the last third or so I still think Edward has no personality, but I guess that s what some people like.And the red haired girl never showed up again Boo. This is a direct quote from Seth, Stephenie Meyer s brother and the person who runs her website In an attempt to keep the books clean and not make young girls think about things that they don t need to think about, no other book mentioned anything about reproductive systems Hear that, girls You re not supposed to think about things.Especially not sex.Don t think about sex Ever.Or you will be thinking about things you shouldn t be thinking about.Don t think about boys Thinking about boys leads to thinking about holding hands and kissing, which leads to thinking about sex, which is bad.Don t wonder about how babies are made and don t ever wonder where you came from Clearly you popped out of your mother s vajayjay the instant your parents thought about having a child, like in The Sims 1 No sex involved.Don t wonder if your parents still have sex Newsflash most parents keep having sex after their kids are born.And girls, especially don t think about other girls in the way you should be thinking about boys I mean don t think about boys in that way, either If you must think about the thing you re not supposed to think about, it should be about boys But still, don t think about it.In fact, don t even read these books, because they include boys, and a girl who tries to seduce a boy who like all good boys won t do that thing you re not allowed to think about with her Because he s the perfect boy But don t think about him.Because you don t need to think about sex You don t need to be prepared You don t need to know about protection You don t need to know that some boys only want you for the feelings the magic baby maker between your legs gives him This whole sex thing It just happens Magically And it doesn t hurt and you ll never regret it and you ll be happy and content forever.But, uh don t think about that You don t need to know about it.And when that baby pops out nine months later not like a week, which we have been led to believe and you don t turn into a vampire, don t be disappointed When you struggle to be a young single mum with a baby that actually takes work to look after and you re not an OMGAMAZINGGODDESSVAMPIRE supermodel, remember you re not supposed to think about it.And for god s sake, don t read these books and then fantasise about having sex with the boy, because even though Meyer wrote him to be the perfect boy, and he s based on one of her own wet dreams, and she has been quoted as saying if Edward or Jacob showed up on her doorstep she would leave her loving husband and three children for either one of them remember SEX IS BAD DON T THINK ABOUT IT.