❰EPUB❯ ✴ How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them: A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide Author Howard Mittelmark – Kairafanan.co

Many Writing Books Offer Sound Advice On How To Write Well This Is Not One Of Those Books On The Contrary, This Is A Collection Of Terrible, Awkward, And Laughably Unreadable Excerpts That Will Teach You What To Avoid At All Costs If You Ever Want Your Novel PublishedIn How Not To Write A Novel, Authors Howard Mittelmark And Sandra Newman Distill TheirYears Combined Experience In Teaching, Editing, Writing, And Reviewing Fiction To Bring You Real Advice From The Other Side Of The Query Letter Rather Than Telling You How Or What To Write, They Identify TheMost Common Mistakes Unconsciously Made By Writers And Teach You To Recognize, Avoid, And Amend Them With Hilarious Mis Examples To Demonstrate Each Manuscript Mangling Error, They Ll Help You Troubleshoot Your Beginnings And Endings, Bad Guys, Love Interests, Style, Jokes, Perspective, Voice, And As Funny As It Is Useful, This Essential How NOT To Guide Will Help You Get Your Manuscript Out Of The Slush Pile And Into The Bookstore

10 thoughts on “How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them: A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide

  1. says:

    Reading this book, I tossed my head wildly about in exuberant agreement My cobalt blue eyes rolled as my long, golden locks bounced upon the delicate curves of my hard, bulging shoulders These examples are awful I extolled Truly, my snarf muffin, Suzy, bubbled helpfully As you know, hating bad writing is a very good thing to do and as the Schlarm power flows through your twenty thousand year old veins, I know that you hate it very much The power of Schlarm, I exploded, with a winning smile, my teeth gleaming like icebergs, it has made me write very good That, and this very book which is almost alike unto the book that I almost wrote in the summer of 1547 You remember that book, my love 1547 she queried, quizzically How can this be As you know, I pontificated, we are vampires save we drink no blood, but take only sparkling wine with cheesy biscuits Suzy pouted and her sex boiled over She was of such slamglamorous loveliness that I wept and I bawled with passion.Damned straight Read it, don t do it.

  2. says:

    I don t know why I find Mittelmark and Newman so entertaining, but they crack me up My default setting is silliness, and these two are good at silly, while also providing a lot of very helpful information I loved Read This Next, so I decided to give this one a go, even though I have no intention of even pretending to have novelistic aspirations I enjoy books like this because they help me define why some books authors work for me and others just make me want to stab someone The only reason I m not giving this five stars is because I have not tested it for its intended purpose, which is to help people write better novels Nor will I ever be testing that feature, so I go with four stars I loved the book, though, and read a lot of it out loud to myself in the wee hours when I couldn t sleep If it were really possible to laugh your butt off, I d now be buttless.CAVEAT READER WRITER This book is not for everyone The authors go to extremes with their fake writing samples and wise assery in order to make their points If you are someone who takes everything literally and doesn t get the value of hyperbole and humor used instructively, you will probably complain that the book is too flip or sarcastic to be useful And I pity you, because your life is probably mighty dull.

  3. says:

    I was going to give this 4 stars, but within the last five pages there was a joke that made me laugh so hard I awarded an additional star Review to come.

  4. says:

    A common sense guide to avoiding the missteps committed by the novice Its presented in a clear, fast paced and entertaining way.People who critique this book as too basic are probably still convinced that they have something original to add to the literary canon, or they are MFA s that are so inundated with literary criticism they couldn t recognize an interesting story if it bit them in the ass.

  5. says:

    The subtitle promises 200 classic mistakes I ll take their word for it, because I did not count them Those mistakes are grouped into parts, such as plot, character and style Each mistake includes an example, followed by commentary Each example and comment usually runs only a page or two, so the book is an excellent way to tune into writing at the beginning of a session.It is also funny, very snarky One of the funniest things is that I often recognized the mistakes, having seen them in other people s writing, such as when I ve joined peer critiques on various writing websites While reading this book, I actually developed some sympathy for agents and others who have to wade through a slush pile, because I can always opt out of reading peer writing on a website, but they have to push on in their search for that rare gem.If you ve honestly been working hard at it, you re probably not making most of these mistakes, though we re all different, and as I said, I ve seen most of them made Sometimes though, I came across something that was hilarious but in the back of my mind I wondered, mmmm, could I be accused of this Or accurately, could some agent or editor misinterpret my intentions and believe that such and such a mistake exists in my writing when, of course, it doesn t So the biggest problem with this book is you might be so amused by the examples and sharp, witty banter that you fail to notice a lesson worth taking to heart

  6. says:

    I was going to give this book two stars and call it basic, full of rookie mistakes, until I hit the last few chapters and realized that there are people making these mistakes and still getting published You may have heard of them A great number of them are vomiting partially digested versions of Twilight into the YA market Given that realization, I had to let go of the review I d been planning Here, instead, is the one I m making up on the spot.I, personally, didn t learn anything from this book Most of the things it had to say are things I ve either absorbed or been taught over time That s not to say that there aren t people who will learn from this book on the contrary, doubtless there are many of them Some of the content it gets into later means I probably wouldn t give this to a middle schooler, but many of them could doubtless stand to benefit.Without hesitation, I would send this to a couple of published authors Alexanda Adornetto is first and foremost among them, because she does pretty much everything wrong in the Theme section Becca Fitzpatrick would get a copy too, and I hear tell Jennifer Murgia could use a bit of help as well.Given that authors are fucking up as described in this book and still getting published, though, one must wonder how valid the advice herein is Only time will tell.Now, the humor aspect I didn t laugh Not once Maybe that has to do with me than with Mittelmark and Newman take it as you will I do think that the book would have been funnier if it stuck to its title theme and presented every horrible idea technique as if it were pure gold sure to incite a twenty house bidding war The little sarcastic bits at the beginning of each section really didn t do enough This is a fairly straightforward writing guide wrapped up in a thin shawl of original concept.I was also continually frustrated with the examples I understand that they were supposed to be egregious, but I feel like that makes them less helpful rather than showing the subtle ways flaws creep into a work, they exaggerated everything beyond the point of believabilty Also, some of them were so unmitigatedly bad that I had to set the book down in the midst of reading them They re only half a page each That s just too awful.It is a quick read, though, so that s a plus I can t say I recommend this book, but if you choose to read it it won t take up much of your time However, whatever time you spend on it might be better spent on TV Tropes or, better yet, reading The Tough Guide to Fantasyland.

  7. says:

    I read this book, twice, wrote a novel and now I m a successful published novelist This is the single most useful book on how to write a novel ever written, ever, by anyone in the entire universe, and you dismiss it to your cost.

  8. says:

    It s actually rather depressing how many authors not only get published, but also become celebrated bestsellers, despite gleefully disregarding so many rules outlined in this book So as useful and indispensable as it may seem, the real world continues to thwart it Depressing, really.At least it s funny.

  9. says:

    Eh.Ok so I pretty much knew all the tips in this book just because I read so much Blah Blah Blah.It was super inappropriate Almost every example clip was a lust or suggestive scene It was very unnecessary for the content of the book.I didn t end up finishing it, although I did read the little headers for most of the tips, to get brushed up.I wouldn t recommend this book Most of the stuff the author blabs about you can learn simply by reading.Disappointed.

  10. says:

    Right While this book is perfectly upfront that it s about showing mistakes not successes and is really humour section material than lit crit, it could actually have been quite a bit better This is not to say that there aren t perfectly valid points here e.g non native speakers of English tend to learn words like Yes and Hello quite quickly, Poirot A lot of the time though, it s stating the bleeding obvious and seems directed at a kind of wretchedly deluded E.L James vampire zombie erotica aspirant who I m pretty sure wouldn t read this kind of book in the first place I may be wrong There s a section on straw men and this one s full of straw men As a result, it often comes across as, frankly, quite patronising and gleefully bullying to the extent where I found myself wanting to ask how many decent novels have you written, chaps I do get the idea of using made up paragraphs of bad writing to illustrate a point, but a lot of these are so exaggeratedly crass and pulpy, they leave you thinking Christ, but nobody is proposing that The whimsical made up hero names in them really started to grate all that Colonel Soy Lattay touched down on Planet Starbux and checked his smoothie monitor Ah, shaddap I m not ultimately sure the premise works that well I think we learn from good writers writing beautifully and appallingly see Updike s widely cited stinker Terrorist than we do from parodying bad submissions The near misses are revealing than the total goofs So, well meant but a little tiresome.