➻ [Reading] ➽ How to Win Friends and Influence People By Dale Carnegie ➰ – Kairafanan.co

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. Dale Carnegie is a quintessentially American type He is like George F Babbitt come to life except considerably smarter And here he presents us with the Bible for the American secular religion capitalism with a smile.In a series of short chapters, Carnegie lays out a philosophy of human interaction The tenets of this philosophy are very simple People are selfish, prideful, and sensitive creatures To get along with people you need to direct your actions towards their egos To make people like you, compliment them, talk in terms of their wants, make them feel important, smile big, and remember their name If you want to persuade somebody, don t argue, and never contradict them instead, be friendly, emphasize the things you agree on, get them to do most of the talking, and let them take credit for every bright idea.The most common criticism lodged at this book is that it teaches manipulation, not genuine friendship Well, I agree that this book doesn t teach how to achieve genuine intimacy with people A real friendship requires some self expression, and self expression is not part of Carnegie s system As another reviewer points out, if you use this mindset to try to get real friends, you ll end up in highly unsatisfying relationships Good friends aren t like difficult customers they are people you can argue with and vent to, people who you don t have to impress.Nevertheless, I think it s not accurate to say that Carnegie is teaching manipulation Manipulation is when you get somebody to do something against their own interests but Carnegie s whole system is directed towards getting others to see that their self interest is aligned with yours This is what I meant by calling him the prophet of capitalism with a smile, since his philosophy is built on the notion that, most of the time, people can do business with each other that is mutually beneficial He never advocates being duplicitous Let me repeat The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart I am not advocating a bag of tricks I am talking about a new way of life Maybe what puts people off is his somewhat cynical view of human nature He sees people as inherently selfish creatures who are obsessed with their own wants egotists with a fragile sense of self esteem People are not interested in you They are not interested in me They are interested in themselves morning, noon and after dinner Well, maybe it s just because I am an American, but this conception of human nature feels quite accurate to me Even the nicest people are absorbed with their own desires, troubles, and opinions Indeed, the only reason that it s easy to forget that other people are preoccupied with their own priorities is because we are so preoccupied with our own that it s hard to imagine anyone thinks otherwise The other day, for example, I ran into my neighbor, a wonderfully nice woman, who immediately proceeded to unload all her recent troubles on me while scarcely asking me a single question This isn t because she is bad or selfish, but because she s human and wanted a listening ear I don t see anything wrong with it.In any case, I think this book is worth reading just for its historical value As one of the first and most successful examples of the self help genre, it is an illuminating document Already in this book, we have what I call Self Help Miracle Stories you know, the stories about somebody applying the lessons from this book and achieving a complete life turnaround Although the author always insists the stories are real, the effect is often comical Jim applied this lesson, and his customer was so happy he named his first born son after him Rebecca impressed her boss so much that he wrote her a check for one million dollars on the spot Frank did such a good job at the meeting that one of his clients bought him a Ferrari, and another one offered him his daughter in marriage These are only slight exaggerations Because of this book s age, the writing is quaint and charming Take, for example, this piece of advice on how to get the most out of the book Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles A lively game How utterly delightful.Probably this book would be fareffective if Carnegie included some exercises instead of focusing on anecdotes But then again, it would be far less enjoyable reading in that case, since the anecdotes are told with such verve and pep to quote Babbitt And I think we could all use a littlepep in our lives. I bought this one in 2004 from an Amsterdam bookstore and it has been laying on my bookshelves since then It s an icon of self help books and that was a problem because I kind of hate that genre I decided to get rid of this one as well but not without trying, at least, to see if there is anything of value in it Well, I was surprised to read some sensible advice and I decided to actually readcharming in their archaic ways So, the book wasn t total garbage As I said above, it had some good advice about the subject of win friends and influence people although there was a lot of filler in order to make his principle into a book Some examples were really interesting others a bit ridiculous One of the problems I had with the author and one I find too often in self help books is the condescending tone, the ones that tells you how smart he is and that she is the only one capable to tell you how success is achieved It was an interesting read, I learn some useful skills but it isn t groundbreaking any in my opinion. You Can Go After The Job You Wantand Get It You Can Take The Job You Haveand Improve It You Can Take Any Situation You Re Inand Make It Work For You Since Its Release In , How To Win Friends And Influence People Has Sold ThanMillion Copies Dale Carnegie S First Book Is A Timeless Bestseller, Packed With Rock Solid Advice That Has Carried Thousands Of Now Famous People Up The Ladder Of Success In Their Business And Personal LivesAs Relevant As Ever Before, Dale Carnegie S Principles Endure, And Will Help You Achieve Your Maximum Potential In The Complex And Competitive Modern AgeLearn The Six Ways To Make People Like You, The Twelve Ways To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking, And The Nine Ways To Change People Without Arousing Resentment Three things about this book surprised me and I liked it a lotthan I thought I would One it seemed pretty much timeless Not much anachronism here, because language still serves the same purposes as ever, and people still want basically the same things they ve always wanted I liked the examples taken from Abe Lincoln, etc.Two the techniques described in the book aren t duplicitous We all try to do what the title says, just like everyone else, whether we re admitting it to ourselves or not Readers are repeatedly encouraged to develop genuine interest in others, be honest and ethical, and obey the golden rule.Three I enjoyed it read twice back to back and it felt easy and natural to apply some of the ideas in my life Shortly after reading this book, I was a little bit better at communicating and a little bit happier about my interactions with others in general. It s considered corny to read books like this, but that kind of cynicism is ultimately limiting and counterproductive My dad forced me to read this book and it was one of the main things that pushed me out of my shyness and made me an amicable person. Utter dreck Anyone who thinks this book offers important wise advice on friendship is an idiot.Dale Carnegie was nothing but a huckstering sophist, and a very repulsive one at that For those of you who may not know, Carnegie s How to Win Friends and Influence People is a handbook on how to exploit friendship for the sake of financial and political gain Now fans of this book why such people are allowed to read, much less vote, I do not know will say this book helped them overcome their shyness and make real friendships But Dale Carnegie is not interested in real friendship His only concern is to exploit friendship for financial and political gain One need not be Einstein to know this One need only read all the garish claims on the back of the book I have an earlier edition than the one usually found in bookstores today such as, say, Increase your earning power Carnegie s book will m ake you a better salesman, a better executive If the book were really about true friendship, as its many lobotomized fans insist, then one would expect the blurbs to claim that the book will make the reader a better friend, not a better salesman A true friend cares about his friends, but a salesman cares about his profit, and if friendship come between him and his profit, then so much for friendship Dale Carnegie s groupies are utterly oblivious to his promotion of such shameless exploitation, which is as obvious as a communal bedpan And they are also utterly oblivious to historical facts Had they some historical knowledge, then these sycophants in training surely would have read Dale Carnegie s pilpul with slightly less pollyannish gullibility For instance, if they knew anything about the Age of the Robber Barons, they might have found Dale Carnegie s depiction of Andrew Carnegie as a man truly concerned for the lot of his fellow man a bit hard to stomach Sure, Andrew Carnegie smiled a lot and presented a friendly appearance to the press and public, and that was enough for Dale Dale like all other sophists, politicians, and prostitutes cared only for appearances, but underneath the accommodating demeanor of Andrew Carnegie was a heart as hard as the steel his factories forged Andrew Carnegie would publicly declare his support for rights of the worker and yet let his Manager Frick hire Pinkerton Guards to massacre the union workers Andrew Carnegie would snatch good PR with his various philanthropies but also poured much of his money into the American Eugenics Movement which managed to get laws passed all over this country that mandated the sterilization of cripples like me American Eugenics also had a profound influence upon German Eugenics, an influence which one can see documented in the minutes of The Nuremberg Trials I hope even Carnegie groupies are not that ignorant not to know that influence, however nice, pleasant, and smiling it may be, is bad when it leads to genocide Yet, I suspect those who swear by this book will continue to have nothing but admiration for Dale Carnegie, whose sycophantic adulation for the ruthless rich who killed off unionized workers and funded the genocide of the weak should offend, repel, and disgust anyone with even a modicum of human thought and decency Carnegie fans are idiots. This is a sad book A book that aims to turn us into manipulating individuals who would want to achieve their means through flattery and other verbal mental tricks Even technically, it seems to me that the ploys in this book would never really work Here is a quote from the book Don t be afraid of enemies who attack you Be afraid of the friends who flatter you And what does the book do It tries, or at least pretends to turn you into a someone who would flatter everything that moves so that you get WHAT YOU WANT Most of us read so that we are inspired, moved, even shocked or atleast entertained by stories We also read so that we understand better and stretch the possibilities of our minds and hearts, to be better human beings We definitely do not read to become conniving ugly creatures to be held prisoners by our greed And come on get a grip this is essentially a sales book. , 1 , , ,2 , , ,, , ,3 , ,, ,, , ,, INTJ T , .4 moral high ground fags , .5 , , , ,,, ,, , , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, , , , ,view spoiler 1 2 3 4 hide spoiler This is an incredible book I ve heard people mention it for years and years and thought the idea of it was so stupid The way some people talked about it made it seem like it was a book for scoundrels or for socially awkward people I didn t want to be either, so I didn t want to read it Finally, a great friend of mine recommended it to me and I started reading it This is a book for people It s not about being evil or admitting you re nerdy it s about how to get along with people Anyone who ever has problems getting along with people should read this book I know I do, but this book has completely changed my perspective This really comes close to a life changing book The main point of this book is that if you want to have friends and be successful, you should be nice not mean It sounds so obvious and I thought I was doing it, but now I realize all the mean things that I ve done and still do to people when I don t get along with them As I ve read this book and I ll work hard to do this from now on I ve tried to thinkabout the other person s perspective when I disagree with them and it helps so much I ve already noticed a change in the way I interact with people This is a great book I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to get along with other people It s a very humbling yet empowering book. Dale, saying people s names often when you re talking to them, Dale, doesn t make you popular, Dale, it makes you sound like a patronizing creep.This book is probably really handy when you re trying to befriend kindergarteners, not as much adults It s also aimed at salespeople and not regular humans.